When Sleep Disappears
The day is done.
You’ve worked, completed chores, walked the dog, fed the family and now you can go to bed.
You are sooooooo tired, and have been looking forward to crawling into bed since you got out of it this morning.
You get into bed curl up and….you sleep.
In what feels like no time at all you are aware of no longer being asleep. Groggily you open your eyes, nope it’s still dark.
You check your phone - 3:12am, yuck.
You’re still tired, relieved that you’ve got time to get more sleep. You roll over ready and willing to drift back into sleep.
Instead your mind wakes up.
It replays the day's events, everything you think you did wrong, every time you think you looked stupid.
The minute by minute replays in your mind remind you of how useless you are.
Once you’ve dissected the past your mind moves onto the future.
You begin to think about what you need to do at work, you come up with some awesome ideas and hope you remember them in the morning.
You realise there is a problem with a project you’re working on - good to have picked it up now. You hope you remember it in the morning.
You start to worry that you’ll forget you have to go to the dentist next week, you must not forget otherwise they’ll take you off the precious list.
At some point you do fall asleep, you know this because your alarm wakes you up.
You feel physically unwell with how utterly exhausted you are. You would give almost anything to stay in bed. But you can’t, you need to earn a wage to pay your bills which keep a roof over your head.
Despite feeling sick with exhaustion you get up and reach for coffee, sitting staring into space wishing you didn’t have to exist feeling like this anymore.
You have no enthusiasm for anything, creativity left you ages ago.
You get through the day, willing yourself to do better, come up with creative ideas at work. But there's nothing left.
You reach for coffee and biscuits mid-afternoon to try and keep you going.
You are doing the basics, but there is no enjoyment, no fun - you’re simply too tired. You get to bed.
And repeat.
Why We Need Sleep
Sleep disturbances are common in depression, anxiety, stress and hormone fluctuations.
A few nights of not sleeping well is fine, but when it’s consistent it can become a problem in itself rather than purely a symptom of something else.
We need sleep to repair, process and recuperate from our waking hours. The impact of not sleeping isn’t just feeling tired, it can make us feel unwell in body and mind. It stops us being creative, pushing ourselves and enjoying our passions.
Below are some top tips to aid sleep, though professional help can be vital in helping you sleep, recuperate and find the life inside yourself again.
Top Tips For Finding Sleep Again
Having a routine before bed indicates to the body and mind that it’s time to sleep. Starting your sequence approximately 30 - 40 minutes before bed can be helpful as it regulates the body’s internal clock.
A routine might include relaxing activities, avoiding caffeine and electronic devices. Having a bath as hot as you like approximately 20 minutes before bed can be wonderful for helping you get to sleep.
It might seem obvious, but the sleep environment is crucial. Being comfortable in bed with the right mattress for you will help you relax. Being at the right temperature, without distractions. Having blackout curtains to minimise light exposure is right for some. For others, having natural daylight to wake up helps keep our rhythms right.
Noise needs to be minimal, and that might mean difficult conversations with loved ones. Some people need to sleep alone. Others need to sleep with their partners, even their pets.
Having dogs in the bedroom has conflicting evidence, so, as with most things, see what works for you. The noise of pets in the room can disturb sleep. However, having dogs sleeping with you can provide a sense of relaxation that aids sleep.
If you have night sweats, try moisture wicking night clothes. If you sleep with your partner, layer your covers so you can each have a different warmth covering as you sleep.
If your mind races with worries and ruminations, try using a specific relaxation routine. This might include progressive muscle relaxation, specific breathing exercises or meditation. Focusing your mind on these interrupts worries and ruminations, relaxing the body.
If you wake early, run through the same relaxation techniques. Not sleeping doesn’t mean you can’t still rest. As long as you are comfortable and can focus the mind on relaxation you can still recuperate.
Becoming focused on not sleeping - can lead to worry about not sleeping and being tired. This in turn can stop you being able to fall asleep, so try and allow yourself to rest instead.
You can choose to get up, write anything down that’s in your mind, maybe have a hot decaffeinated drink. The key is to stay relaxed, then when you’re ready you can return to bed.
Sleep is vital, but worrying about not sleeping can push it further away and stop you from at least relaxing.
If you persistently can’t sleep and it’s impacting your functioning please do seek professional help. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) for Insomnia is an evidence based talking therapy specifically designed to treat sleep issues. Your GP can also discuss treatment options with you.
If you would like an initial consultation to discuss any of these issues, please do book in or reach out. I look forward to discussing how I can help.
