The Importance of Self-Compassion
When you're in the grip of depression, your mind can become your harshest critic. Thoughts like "I'm useless," "I always get things wrong," or "No one would care if I disappeared" are common when you’re struggling with depression.come. They can then stick around and impact how you feel and behave. From a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) perspective, these kinds of thoughts are known as negative automatic thoughts, and they play a key role in maintaining depression.
CBT helps people notice and challenge these unhelpful thinking patterns, and self-compassion can help with this process.
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion is treating yourself with the same kindness and care you'd offer to a friend who’s struggling. It’s not self-pity or not taking responsibility for yourself, it’s about acknowledging your experience and responding with warmth rather than judgement.
Self-compassion can act like a buffer. It eases the impact of harsh self-criticism and makes it easier to look at your thoughts without spiralling into shame or hopelessness.
Why does it matter in depression?
People with depression may believe they deserve to feel bad, or should feel bad . They might feel guilty for being unproductive, or ashamed of needing help. These beliefs can become self-fulfilling, increasing isolation and despair. Here’s where self-compassion becomes powerful.
For example you might have the thought “I’m a failure.”
CBT encourages exploring the evidence for and against this belief and to generally take a more curious delve into your thoughts. If your internal voice is harsh and unforgiving, that task can feel difficult like a courtroom trial where you're both the defendant and the judge, and the verdict is already guilty. Your therapist will guide you through understanding the experience and support you to work through it. They may encourage self compassion as one way of doing this.
Self-compassion changes the tone of the inner dialogue. Instead of “You’re a failure,” the thought becomes, “You’re having a tough time right now, and that doesn’t mean you’re a failure.” It invites you to be curious about your mind and thoughts rather than treating yourself with condemnation.
It’s Evidence Based
Research shows that self-compassion is linked to lower levels of depression, less rumination, and better emotional resilience. People who practice self-compassion are more likely to engage in healthy behaviours, like reaching out for support or getting back on track after a setback. In CBT, these are exactly the kinds of behaviours that help break the cycle of depression.
How to start practising it
Self-compassion is a skill, and like any skill it gets better with practice. Here are a few ideas to help you start:
- Name the critic: Start noticing when your self-talk turns critical. Give it a name if it helps (“Ah, there’s my harsh mind again”). Naming it can create a little distance.
- Change the script: Ask yourself, “What would I say to a friend who felt this way?” Then try saying that to yourself.
- Use compassionate imagery: Picture someone kind and understanding, real or imagined, saying encouraging words to you. Let yourself take those words in.
- Write it out: Journalling can help you express your struggles with a more compassionate voice. Start with: “This is a moment of difficulty. I’m doing the best I can. Others feel this way too.”
CBT offers practical, structured ways to work with depressive thoughts and behaviours often paired with a gentle, compassionate mindset. Self-compassion doesn’t mean ignoring problems or sugar-coating reality. It means recognising your pain, responding with care, and reminding yourself that you are worth the effort it takes to feel better.
In depression, the world already feels heavy. Self-compassion helps you carry it.
Depression can be a life threatening illness, if you need urgent help please ensure you contact a Doctor.
As an accredited and experienced CBT therapist I can help you treat your depression and practice the skill of self-compassion. If you’re interested in having a conversation about how I can help, please do reach out.
