What do we mean by self esteem?
Most of us have heard of self-esteem and know that it’s vital to our emotional and mental health and well-being.
But what do we mean by self esteem?
Self esteem is how we think about and value ourselves.
Our core beliefs about ourselves that sit right in the centre of how we perceive who we are.
Our confidence in our worth and abilities.
It is a subjective perception of our own worth, encompassing beliefs about the self as well as emotional states such as pride and despair. It is fluid and it can fluctuate based on life experiences, achievements, and failures.
It is common to only consider self esteem when it is low, as that is when we can experience difficulties in our emotional and mental health.
When we have low self esteem it can lead to social anxiety, depression, and a lack of confidence, which can negatively impact our personal growth and fulfilment.
We don’t tend to think about our self esteem as often when it is healthy.
Healthy self-esteem is characterised by a realistic and appreciative view of ourselves, acknowledging both our strengths and weaknesses without judgement. It is associated with resilience, motivation, and a generally positive outlook on life.
What might you experience with low self esteem?
Self-esteem impacts every aspect of our lives, from the way we operate in our personal and professional relationships to how we aim for our goals. It is an intrinsic part of our mental health and overall level of happiness.
Building and maintaining a healthy level of self-esteem needs us to be self-aware, self-accepting, with the ability to navigate life's inevitable ups and downs whilst maintaining a sense of self-worth.
Sadly low self-esteem is a common difficulty that is thought to affect countless individuals around the world.
It is no surprise that having a negative perception of yourself can significantly impact various aspects of your life. The effects can impact your emotional, social, and professional well-being.
Emotionally, low self-esteem can lead to feelings of worthlessness, self-doubt, and inadequacy. You might look at yourself and your life with a critical eye and generally feel more negative.
Having low self-esteem may mean you struggle to form and maintain relationships. You might find you withdraw from social events and experiences. This can lead to you feeling isolated and lonely.
Lacking confidence because of low esteem will likely mean you don’t put yourself forward for professional opportunities. You may shy away from them for fear of failing and believing you won’t be able to do it.
Although it might feel safer to avoid anything that feels challenging or difficult, it can perpetuate your feelings of low self esteem as it reinforces your beliefs that you can’t cope in the world.
If you feel generally unfulfilled, low in mood, anxious and lonely due to low self-esteem - you will have coping mechanisms to help you.
Unfortunately, if they are unhealthy coping strategies, this can lead to further difficulties. For example if you cope by drinking alcohol, using drugs, overeating, or self-harm these can all become problems themselves.
What can cause low self-esteem?
Many people describe having low self-esteem for as long as they can remember. Often it starts in childhood believing that you are not enough. You might internalise messages you hear from your parents, family, teachers, peers, and now social media.
You might believe others have high expectations of you that you don’t feel able to live-up to.
Maybe you experienced significantly stressful and difficult life events such as illness, abuse or bereavement.
Our individual personalities can also impact our self esteem. Some of us are more susceptible to negative thinking and beliefs about ourselves, others and the world around us.
Why resilient self esteem is important
Resilient self-esteem, which is the ability to maintain a healthy sense of self-worth even in the face of adversity, is particularly important.
It acts as a buffer against life's inevitable challenges allowing you to navigate setbacks with a sense of confidence and self-assurance.
High self-esteem is not about arrogance or an inflated sense of yourself. It is knowing your value and believing in your capabilities, because believing in yourself is crucial for motivation, mental resilience, and your overall quality of life.
Resilient self-esteem is also linked to improved physical health, positive social relationships, and you’re more likely to take on challenging tasks.
With good self esteem you are more likely to have lower levels of anxiety and depression. Whilst also having an ability to “bounce back” from negative experiences more quickly.
Building resilient self-esteem involves fostering a realistic, yet positive, view of yourself. Recognising and appreciating your strengths and accepting that you will, and it’s ok to, have weaknesses.
Having goals that you set, strive for and achieve helps keep self-esteem buoyant because it reminds you that you are competent and accomplished.
As you would expect, having resilient self - esteem supports healthy mental health. It influences how you perceive yourself and your overall place in the world. A healthy level of self-esteem can lead to improved decision-making, better stress management, and a greater sense of control over your life generally. It empowers you to face life's ups and downs.
Low Self-esteem and CBT
Low self esteem impacts our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours in various aspects of life.
If you believe in your core that you are a failure, or not good enough, or unlovable, you will have internal rules that you live your life by to minimise these beliefs being triggered.
For example, you could have a rule that you must always do things perfectly or that you should always put others first.
When you experience a specific situation where you think you either might break these rules or that you have broken these rules then it will likely trigger negative thoughts about yourself. For example that you are a failure, not good enough, or unlovable.
These thoughts lead to feelings of anxiety, sadness, depression or shame. For example you might feel anxious if you think you can’t do a task perfectly, or feel depressed if you think you’ve failed at something.
Physically you might feel tension, tiredness, or have difficulty sleeping.
As a result you might avoid situations or taking on new tasks, engage in self-criticism, or perfectionism.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is an evidenced based talking therapy that offers a structured approach to understanding and addressing low self-esteem through an individualised approach using a formulation of difficulties.
A CBT formulation for low self-esteem involves creating a personalised map that identifies the links between your thoughts, feelings (emotional and physical) and behaviours.
CBT aims to break this cycle by challenging negative thinking patterns and changing the behaviours that are maintaining your low self-esteem.
As an experienced and accredited CBT therapist I can work with you to build resilient self esteem and live the life you are aiming for. To understand how we can work together please book in for a free consultation and start your journey to positive self esteem.
