“It’s only a matter of time before they find me out”.
Your mind's nagging voice reminding you that you are a fraud and one day everyone will know you managed to trick your employer into giving you this job.
The slightest hint of criticism, even gentle and constructive criticism, can completely knock you off your feet and be heard as evidence that people are beginning to realise what an imposter you are.
Does this sound familiar?
No matter how hard you work, how much praise is received, how many promotions you achieve, your belief that you are a fraudulent imposter that hasn’t been found out yet sticks to you like superglue.
You feel anxious and on-edge, hypervigilant for any clue that you’ve failed and they’ve cottoned on to you. The image of being outed like the Wizard behind the curtain shadowing you, vividly nipping at your rear-end ready to bite you – hard – at any moment.
Yet, there is nothing external to indicate that you are a fraud, it’s all coming from inside you. No matter how much evidence there is to the contrary.
Others will view you as competent, brilliant even, no idea you are plagued with these doubts about yourself and your ability.
Yet still, to you, you’re passable at best, and only then because you’ve been lucky, or because you’ve put hours and hours of work into something.
So, why is it that people who are smart, talented, hard-working and good at what they do are plagued with these beliefs that they are really a sheep amidst the sheep-dogs?
You don’t need to look far to come across incredibly successful career men and women, who secretly believe they shouldn’t be in the position they are in.
Helpfully there is a popular name for this - “Imposter Syndrome”.
Although named a “syndrome” it isn’t a diagnosis; you aren’t sick, even if at times you feel sick!
It is an internal and ingrained fear that you will be found out as a fraud, that you shouldn’t be in the professional position you are. This is despite evidence that you have demonstrated your talent time and again, and have achievements to back this up.
It includes a deep rooted belief that any achievements are due to external factors and influences, for example luck. Praise from others or recognition of success is followed by a sense of relief. Relief at not being found out this time.
Imposter syndrome isn’t static, it is experienced in waves. Life events that might heighten the wave include:
- A change of job.
- A promotion.
- No longer being “new” in a role. This exacerbates the belief you should be “better”, and the sense of being a fake escalates.
- Working on a high profile project.
- Delivering an important presentation.
- Being asked to do something that you’ve not done before.
Horribly even if you get the task/job/project absolutely spot-on, it can conversely leave you feeling worse!
Worse because you fear others' expectations of you have increased, which equals more pressure to maintain the façade of brilliance.
Praise and compliments can feel like nails on a chalkboard, painful and uncomfortable against the incredibly high, and likely unsustainable, expectations of yourself.
You work hard - really, really, really hard!
You may have made sacrifices in other areas of your life to concentrate on maintaining your career.
If you juggle multiple roles in your life (such as partner, parent, employee) you may think you will never be good enough in any of these roles, spread too thinly and unable to input the effort required for each.
You struggle when others are praised for a job well done. You don’t begrudge them; it’s evidence that your shine is wearing off and the “real you” is the dull sheen underneath that can be seen.
You always strive to be seen as the best, whilst fearing being seen as the best! It adds to the pressure to succeed.
No matter how well you do and how good the work, you will always focus on what you haven’t done and could have done better. Not in a curious self improvement way, instead as ammunition to criticise and rebuke yourself.
Authors who have written on this subject have identified multiple (and different) reasons for developing Imposter Syndrome. These include:
- Our genes make us more susceptible.
- How we think about mistakes, failure and success and how others reacted to those mistakes, failures and successes.
- Upbringing and the messages we internalise from our caregivers.
- Our environment and people outside our family, such as teachers, work colleagues or particularly difficult managers
Some people will manage to live with Imposter Syndrome, and even find the experience reduces overtime as the feared fraud exposure never happens. For others the ongoing worry and anxiety remains intact throughout their career.
Whatever the reason for your imposter syndrome, there is good news.
As with any ingrained beliefs that hold you back, you can move forward.
Working through the below ideas will move you towards a life of accepting your brilliance and embracing your “less brilliant bits”.
Opening a DIALOGUE with friends and colleagues can be a real eye-opener. The power of shining a light on feeling an imposter can diminish its power and hold.
Shining a light on your impostor THOUGHTS can reduce their intensity. How we think affects how we feel. but it doesn’t always seem like that.
It might seem easier to tune into how we feel, because feelings have such an impact on us, but the thoughts that lead to those feelings can be lost as the emotions take over.
Being curious about what was going through our minds before the feelings took hold allows us to pause and go on an investigative adventure into our own minds.
Have you ever felt stupid?
Did you experience that feeling of being as stupid as an indication that you actually are stupid?
As mentioned, feelings can be overwhelming. But a feeling, although powerful, ISN’T A FACT. Feeling stupid doesn’t mean you are stupid.
You may have done something daft or made a mistake. Because that leads to an emotion that is often negative it can be easy to generalise this into thinking making a mistake means you are a stupid person.
MAKING MISTAKES IS HUMAN, not knowing something is normal, being asked to do a task you’ve never done before is common, otherwise how would you grow?
You will naturally have a reaction to these things, that reaction can dictate how you then feel about yourself. However when you have imposter syndrome these situations can compound those beliefs.
A shift in mindset to one of optimism and excitement at learning something new, learning from mistakes and maybe not taking yourself as seriously and laughing at your errors can free you up.
Making friends with your mistakes and seeing them as OPPORTUNITIES FOR LEARNING, or just accepting yourself as human, can have a significant impact on your sense of self.
We all have beliefs - beliefs about ourselves, others and the world around us.
If we see ourselves as not good enough, others as better and critical, and the world as a dangerous place, then the idea of not knowing everything or making an error can seem catastrophic.
If we see ourselves as GOOD ENOUGH, others as supportive and the world as a place of interest and excitement, making a mistake can feel like part of the fabric of life.
Sadly Imposter Syndrome is a common experience. Taking a very bright torch and shining that on these beliefs by talking to others and taking yourself on a non-judgmental journey of your mind can be your first steps to freeing yourself and embracing your success.
If you are experiencing significant low self-esteem, anxiety, and worry please don’t suffer in silence. As an accredited and experienced CBT therapist I can help you reduce the hold of your imposter syndrome and allow yourself to be human. Please book in for an initial consultation to discuss how we can work together.
